bye, babe

Yesterday my love walked out the door.

He left with excitement and a huge smile on his face (how nice for him). He left without a backward glance and without regret. You see, my love is almost 5 years old. He's chasing snow with his daddy and will be out of my care for three (whole) days. Not exactly a lifetime apart but it might as well be to this mama. I know his daddy will take super care of him .... but it's not the same as ME taking care of him. (Sigh.)

Boo, hoo for me, right?! Wrong. Because this is what I've realized (prepare yourself): however much I miss my little boy this weekend I am a thousand times more grateful to his daddy for creating this adventure for our son. There, I said it. It's not all about me (wait, really?!). It's about letting those I love have the times of their lives ... even when it doesn't include me.

Besides, I don't like to be cold .... and snow volcanoes aren't really my thing :)

dirty dishes

Dirty dishes used to make me crazy. I couldn't stand to see even one or two dishes cluttering an otherwise clean sink. I would not go to bed until the kitchen was spotless. 

Today, well, this is what my sink looks like...

The sight of this should bother me. It should compel me to clean. It should hurt my pride to see this mess in MY kitchen. But, the funny thing is ... I. Don't. Care. 

You see, I want to care. I want to WANT to have a sparkling clean kitchen every minute of the day. But instead, the dirty dishes sit ... and sit and sit ... until either we run out of clean spoons OR hubby decides to take over and rid our house of this disgusting mess. (He is REALLY good like that.)

Some might think I've become lazy, or dirty, or despondent. But I think it is something else entirely .... I've become distracted. Distracted by, oh let's see .... the magazines piling up on my coffee table that I'd like to read, the naked toenails that I'd like to paint, the phone call that I'd like to make, the kid that I'd like to tickle, the walk that I'd like to take, the cookies that I'd like to bake, etc., etc., etc.

It's funny how the things that NEED doing look completely different from the things that NEEDED doing a decade ago. Priorities change. Perspectives change. I mean, I still think that having a clean house (and clean dishes) is sooooo awesome .... it's just that pretty toenails and freshly baked sugar cookies are waaaay awesome-er!

a single hair

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since our dog died. He was a sweet, sweet dog. He lived with us for almost 8 years ... our first "baby". Aside from being a loyal companion, protective of the children and the best home alarm system (ever) he also tended to shed .... a lot!

For the last 8 years I've been in the habit of Swiffering and/or vacuuming my floors at least daily. Now, I'm a little obsessive about my floors so having a furry friend who shed year round helped justify my OCD behavior. You would not believe the amount of fur I emptied from the vacuum on a daily basis ... out. of. control. (I'm on my sixth vacuum cleaner in as many years.) You may wonder if we ever took the time to groom our dog because with that much hair floating around we must have been neglectful in this area. Ha! We brushed and FURminator-ed (yes, that is a real thing) our beloved pooch two to three times per week but still, the shedding was unstoppable. And walking through a sea of dog fur did not seem to bother anyone except me! So .... I set about making sure that we had ONE room that was a 'no dog' zone. Since our dog had the IQ of a Harvard grad it was easy to train him to respect the threshold of this one room and I ... well.... I just LOVED being in that room. I liked seeing my pants stay fur-free, I liked not having to pull a stray dog hair out of my kid's mouth after he rolled on the floor, I liked knowing that if I drank a cup of coffee my cup would have ONLY coffee in it. It's the little things you know?!

Well ...

... for the last 2 1/2 weeks there has not been a lot of vacuuming. No dog hair floating in my coffee. No lint-rolling of my pants.

But, while straightening up the other day I came across a single hair ... a single dog hair ... left behind.

My heart just broke.

I miss our dog. I miss all that hair ... every vacuum clogging strand.

(Best dog ever: 12/23/2005 - 1/18/2014)